Dealing with Touts

Hoa Lu, an ancient capital of Vietnam

When You Just Don’t Want Any Pineapple

The image above is from Hoa Lu, an ancient capital of Vietnam near the town of Ninh Binh. Even though it was a long time ago now, I still remember taking that picture. I laid down on the ground to get the cobbles of the courtyard in the foreground and the temple behind. But just as memorable was the scene that met me when I got up from taking the picture and rejoined my wife and daughters. A small army of women descended on us, offering to sell us pineapple, paintings, bracelets.

But we were used to this kind of thing. After all, dealing with touts and salespeople is something every traveler has to get used to.

We politely said, "no thank you," and walked away.

That was good enough for most of the women, but one really, really thought we should buy her pineapple. She followed us, refusing to give in to our refusals.

So we switched tactics and pretended like the woman didn't exist. But this woman was a pro. She simply followed us, pretending like she didn't understand that we were pretending that we couldn't see her. She hoped to wear us down, thinking we would eventually buy her pineapple just to gain some peace and quiet.

While following us she peppered us with arguments. She said her pineapple was "very delicious." She said it was very "cheap." She suggested that we make her an offer.

She just. Wouldn't. Leave.

Learning to Smile Through the Hustle

I had heard stories about Vietnam's relentless touts before we arrived, I and had heard from more than one person that the touts completely soured Vietnam for them. But I had already experienced pushy salesmen men selling tiger balm in Kathmandu, or "massages" in Shanghai. I am pretty used to touts, and honestly, we didn’t find Vietnam to be all that bad in terms of aggressive salespeople in general.

That day in Hoa Lu was the first time we experienced a tout in Vietnam who simply would not take no for an answer.

So I needed a plan. Some quick thinking. A way out.

I reached into my pocket, fidgeting around and found . . . something. I don't even remember what it was.

But whatever it was, I pulled it out, showed it to the woman . . . and started trying to sell it to her. I made all the same arguments to her that she had made to me.

I extolled the quality of my piece of pocket trash.

I told her it was cheap.

I asked her to make me an offer.

She was confused at first, but soon she caught on to what I was doing. And a big, fat smile cracked her face. She chuckled, gave me a "well played, sir" punch on the arm . . . and then she left us alone.

From that point on, I often used this tactic. I always tried to use humor to chase off unwanted attention. After all, I had gone all that way with the proverbial intent to "interact with locals." Who is easier to interact with than touts?

Feel sorry for yourself because all the locals seem to view you as an ATM and just want your money? Get over it. Of course they want your money! I don't care if you are the cheapest dirt-bag backpacker on the circuit, you are wealthy compared to the people who are trying to get you to buy their flowers, or stay at their "uncle's" hotel.

Smile. Laugh. Talk with them.

Don't buy their flowers if you don't want to, but don't blame them for working hard at their job.

Of course, dishonest touts trying to scam you is a somewhat different situation.

The fact is, you probably will deal with your fair share of dishonest touts if you are a regular traveler but just be on your guard and don't let it ruin your journey. And remember, it is not like most of them can simply go collect an unemployment check if they don't make enough selling their wares or pushing their tours. If I had to be dishonest to support my family, I am sure I would find a way to justify it to myself.

So when it comes to dealing with touts, just relax. After all, you are lucky to be there in the first place. Remember how fortunate you are to be able to visit wherever you are. And don't look at touts as your mortal enemy. Be friends with everyone. You can't help but have a good time. Because travel is all about having a good time!